Monday

truly, it's a good thing






It's raining. 
California needs rain, desperately, and I am so grateful but
still, the rain just makes me awfully down.
I need cool temperatures, foggy mornings and sunny days and
these things help me breathe.  I think that I'm weather picky which
is kind of an unfortunate thing to be. 

Or maybe it's just the circumstances right now that make the rain
a bit depressing.
Tomorrow is my 14th anniversary and tomorrow is this baby's
due date so I'm a bit anxious and if I'm being honest,
we kind of moved into this place that stifles me,
so far removed from the type of home we desire.  I'm so grateful to be
back in California and so grateful for this house in this time,
but some days, some days,
like the days when we are stuck indoors or the days
before special moments, it just kind of gets to me.

Pearl was born in a house we loved, a place that was home.
And I feel so many emotions about this baby, Wilder,
being born in a house that I have no connection with.  Maybe it's
not actually the house but the land.  We were created to have connection
with the land.  But whatever it is, it's getting to me today,
this day of rain, this day before anniversaries and due dates,
this day that needs a bit of magic and some beauty and
I'm having a hard time finding both.

It's raining.  And truly,
it's a good thing.