Tuesday

to need friends and have a pretty life

Life is pretty.
I awoke yesterday morning to
the sweetest message and spent time
soaking in the kind words,
ointment to this weary soul.

I wrote of loneliness and opened doors of friendship,
heard voices calling my name and they sang out beauty.
It seems this plague of loneliness is common to mamas,
so many have poured wounds to me, sharing hearts and
understanding.

When I was a young girl my mama used to say
she didn't need any friends.
She would tell me that once you get married
all you need is your husband and your kids and
she didn't understand why other women still had friends.
And so I thought that was normal.
When I was first married I had that idea in mind.
Relationships that I had before fell to the wayside and
I made my husband feel guilty for
having other friends.  I just followed what I had known.
Family was enough and was all that was needed,
other relationships just sucked life out of family.

We kept having kiddos,
and though we did have friends,
there was no deep relationship, no time out with others.
Then one day, years ago,
I woke up deep in loneliness.  I had my babes around me constant and
some things my husband just didn't understand and why did I feel
so alone?
I suddenly realized that the skewed idea of friendships which had
carried over from my childhood was
stifling me, keeping me down,
making me alone.
I needed relationship with other women,
other mamas.
We were designed for all sorts of relationships and
deep friendships were one of them.
Opening myself to the idea that I could go out with some women,
have coffee and share hearts,
was freeing.

We need each other.
Truly.
And when,
for any reason,
we are kept from relationship with one another,
it can be suffocating.
I learned this after a few years of loneliness.
Others are still learning.
Some are alone due to life's circumstances and
some don't know how to seek out relationship.

I have no answers,
clearly,
I am still struggling myself.
But it helps to know we all feel it,
we all have these moments.


Whatever your circumstances mama,
realize you are not alone.
We are all in this together,
and we
get
it.
And life is pretty.



3 comments:

  1. I really relate Amy :) Thank you for opening up this subject. I think lots of Mothers feel the same way. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly and beautifully.
    Lonliness can make you feel so vulnerable. We do need one another as mothers. Motherhood can be an isolating job. I have some really special friends, but life seems so busy and hectic for so many and it can be hard to keep up.
    It's that thing of having a friend to call and have a cry and a chat on a bad day until you're smiling again, knowing no matter what you won't be judged for the choices you've made such as homeschooling, having a larger family etc... I remember being completly isolated when we first moved to this town with two little ones. I think that is when I became really grateful for the internet :) And "meeting" lovely people like you :)
    A loving, supportive community is such an important thing for families.

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  2. i'm in such a place of calm and comfort and beauty right now. i could honestly just cry. you spend a long time walking alone and feeling so hopelessly lost and lonely..and then it changes when you meet a kindred soul and you can look to your side and see that you are not alone, that others have been traveling the same as you, walking the same path. when you meet that soul, seeing that figure looking back at you too, seeing deeper. understanding. praying. comforting. and then you know that you won't be in solitude anymore.. it's such an immensely beautiful feeling. life is pretty. God bless your sincere and humble heart Amy :)

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  3. Funny how we accept "normal" life from our parents and have to discover our own normal...my mom was a serial friender and I realized young that I needed to do it differently-but how??? Always a challenge and always in transition :)

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