Monday

to look up

slow,
quiet,
intentional.
these words embody my past
few days.

before then i had been consumed.
loneliness,
educational changes,
budgeting,
shake up of what church means,
dietary challenges,
and i just,
desperately,
needed some peace.
and yet every time i tried to rest,
to find peace,
something else came up.



antsy and anxious,
tearing up through my days,
my heart was just. plain.
hurting.
until, finally, i was drawn to the Bible,
lying open on the counter.
the first and only thing i read when i
looked upon it
was what i so desperately needed...

"when they had lifted up their eyes,
they saw no one but Jesus only."


and the first time i read it i unwittingly gasped and
held my breath.
those few words spoke volumes to me,
bringing tears to my tired eyes.
i had been looking down.
down
where my comfort and acceptance came in others,
where homeschooling methods were the only factor in determining
my children's future,
where fellowship was impossible to come by,
where provision came only by normal means and
food could cause fear and frustrations.
down.
my eyes were looking down.



but if i were to look up,
to remove my gaze from myself,
my worries,
my physical struggles,
if i were to look up
my eyes would be fixed on Him.

i had been looking for peace, but
i had been looking down.
i looked up and found the Prince of Peace,
found Him awaiting my gaze.



reading that verse over and over
these past couple of days has been a balm
to this weary soul.
and when i looked up and away from everything
but Him,
He blessed me with that slow and calm that comes
with soul's peace.

and though i know i will sorrow for those who are far,
i have my Father,
the lover of my soul,
with me.
and when i wonder about education or
can't figure out a budget or how to pay rent,
i can rest knowing it's all
in His Hands.
because my eyes are on Him.
only Him.

and so i can love my babes and
live,
deeply,
each day,
each moment.
i can breathe in and know
everything is good.
He has this.
He has it all.
eyes focused.
eyes up.



Jesus.
only.

1 comment:

  1. I love this. I have been feeling a pull to be in the Word lately and I've been feeling the same peace from it. xoxoxxo

    p.s. when are you guys coming to visit? ;)

    ReplyDelete