Wednesday

to jump without looking

i know, i'm supposed to be on break this week.
but i'm having a mini crisis and i needed to hash it out,
and ask for prayer.
so...

you know that feeling of blah that can overwhelm?
i'm feeling it.
it's this loneliness that is seeping in and
it's really hard to fight.
my sister is leaving for six months.
and maybe even longer.
my dear, beautiful friend is moving away and
i know she must go and i understand why but
i am overcome with sorrow.
when we moved home two and a half years ago 
we were filled with such hope and great expectations.
and believe me,
they have been fulfilled.
pearl was born,
friendships were formed,
dreams were realized and begun,
changes were made,
togetherness has become a key part of our lives.
it has been so good.

but now,
those we love most are leaving or
are too far to see often,
we have no hopes wrapped up in the institutional church for
we have come to see it with clear eyes,
finances grow tighter and tighter as we live in one of the
most expensive places,
and my gypsy spirit is beckoning.

i need to settle down.
a week ago i wanted to buy this house we live in,
this house where i bore my youngest babe,
where our 22 chickens roam and peck at vegetables growing
in garden,
where diapers dry in sunlight daily and
children play for hours as children should.
now?
i'm ready to chuck it all and set out again with
God guiding and
us dancing behind.
to roam, to search, to adventure,
to settle wherever His wind blows us.

for that is what the loss of love will do,
it will rile you up and make you ready to jump.
and i tend to jump before i look down.
the husband though, he looks first.
and talks to God.
oh yes, this is a very good thing for otherwise i
would find myself in a heap of trouble.
so instead of jumping,
he is holding my hand and whispering to God.

i need some peace friends,
a settling of the soul.  would you pray?


5 comments:

  1. praying for you. xoxox
    If I hadn't lost my cell phone I'd be giving you a call.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Praying for you...for peace and calm and a presence that you are doing ok for a season.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love, love, love to you. And peace. God's got this and your family in the palm of his hand. Praying for you.

    ReplyDelete