to be 30 with a son in college... what?

I mentioned it briefly a couple of posts ago but I will shout it now...
Ian was accepted to the college he was hoping for!
We are so excited and now busily preparing for late summer when
we pack and drive him up to Oregon, to start him on his next
phase in life and for the first time meet a dear, dear friend.
I am seriously going to count the days.

It's such a strange thing though,
this being only 30 and having a son heading off to college.
And with six other kiddos 10 and under,
it's just a different situation than most I suppose.

And I think of that other mama,
the one who carried and birthed him at such a young age,
who walked away and hasn't seen him since,
well since she was younger than Ian is now.
I think of her,
and my heart breaks for her.
I cannot imagine the depths of her agony,
her pain at not knowing her firstborn.
When choices made as a child affect your entire life thereafter,
how do you deal with that pain?

We spoke about this recently,
the husband, Ian and I because she
found the husband on facebook and sent a message.
She just wanted to see pictures and hear about him and
the husband was happy to fill her in.
But it kind of broke my heart because I know,
if it were me, I would be torn up every day,
there would be this hole and it would only grow deeper as
the days, the years passed.

And it may be strange but I kind of just wish I could
take her hands gently in my own and whisper,
thank you sweet sister.
thank you for giving life to my son.
i am so sorry for this burden you have carried all of these years.
i pray that some day, when he is ready,
he will be a blessing to your family as he is to ours.
I want to sit with her and have a cup of tea,
honey and cream,
speak words of life and comfort.
Maybe some day.

So I will just continue on,
learning and loving with these six younger kiddos,
falling in love more every day with my hard working handsome husband,
and transforming into the young mama of a college man.
Life is so good.
New seasons are amazing.
And the hope of the future... breathtaking.


  1. This is breathtaking, Amy. Just beautiful. I am so grateful God gave you and Ian to each other and I'll join you in praying for his birth mama, for her heart to be comforted in the good home your boy has found with you and his dad and all those beautiful children. There aren't many in this world who could pull off being 30 with a college-bound kid, but you do it with grace and beauty. Again, my congratulations to your fine son for his college admission - and so much more.

    1. oh thank you diana. your encouragement means so so much to me. thank you for everything.