to have a weekend and a broken dryer

broken dryer,
and with 7 kids and cloth diapers,
that. just. stinks.
baby crawling
garden growing
family photos from
a beautiful old friend.
roasting marshmallows outside
around the firepit.
crockpot pizza in the slowcooker.
seeing sister home visiting
from new zealand.
daughter's creating, learning.
{thank you suzy for this idea,
layla used it and made a purse for
that visiting sister of mine}
and baby has found the basket of board books...
preparing house for a guest.
drinking dark coffee and reading lots,
knitting lots.
welcoming that lovely  friend's new baby.
praying lots.
loving lots.
it's been peaceful...
all but the broken dryer.

***update: awesome husband fixed the dryer.  it's a good day.
linking with amanda for weekending


to share a song for your saturday

i. love. music.
i think it is a beautiful gift from God and
when you find the really good stuff
you just need to share.
so that's what i'm going to do on saturdays.
{share some with me too, i love finding new bands}

i know, it's been a couple months since i've shared a song for your saturday.
but here you go...

alathea - indian creek

to open mouth, insert foot aka to be a hypocrite

so i wrote this post,
the kind that makes you breathe in deep,
all about the little ones,
the ones who are gifted to us,
the ones who pull on our clothes and
ask a million questions,
who yell when we need quiet and
need a drink
thirty times
in the middle of the night.
it was all about patience,
gratitude and
embracing every. single. moment.

and the kicker?
the line in bold?
"embrace every moment for
you will never get them back."

and then it happened.
i was just finding photos, editing and
adding finishing touches.
a little voice began whining by my side,
pulling at my arm,
"mama, come see."
and i was just finishing,
almost done and
i told her,
hold on, just a second.
and she waited
for about ten seconds and then
"mama, come on,
come see what i did!" and
i snapped at her,
i said hold on!,
way. too. harshly.
and then i looked at her face,
what was just a second ago shining eagerness
and joy was now
struck down and

she turned and walked
with regret and a basketball sized lump
in my throat i turned back to the screen
and my eyes fell right on
my own words,
"embrace every moment for
you will never get them back."

tears welled,
hypocrite extraordinaire,
went and found her,
grabbed her tight and repented
i saw what she had made,
the picture she had drawn
for me,
and i walked back with head hanging low,
filled with shame
and erased.
i would not post hypocritical words.
i would post truth instead.
here you go.

i know it to be true,
even more so now,
embrace every moment for
you will never get them back."


to be a strange loner of a person

i'm just strange.
i don't fit in anywhere,
never have,
though the reasons have changed.

i don't fit in with women with kids my three oldest's ages
because i am so young.
i don't fit in with women the same age as me
because i have kids too old.
i don't fit in with typical evangelical christians
because i think too differently.
i don't fit in with the intelligentsia, thinkers, philosophers
because, well, i'm christian.
i don't fit in with other moms
because i have too many kids.
i don't fit in with other large family moms
because i don't wear jumpers and i'm not conservative enough.
i don't fit in with the conservative christian crowd
because i have too many tattoos.
i don't fit in with the tattooed crowd
because i believe in the Bible, family and educating my children at home.
i don't fit in with my family {mother, siblings- though i love them to pieces}
because i'm christian and they think everything i do is crazy.
i don't fit in with fast paced modern people
because i am slow, intentional and could {and will} live my entire life without an iphone.


now you know the ugly truth.
a loner.
will you be my friend? :)

*don't forget to go enter my giveaway for the organic family cookbook!!!


to cook organically {GIVEAWAY}

i. love. this. book.

it has been awhile since the day this package appeared on my
front step with anni daulter's
organic family cookbook
and i immediately began to read through it,
loving every photo,
every bit of greening advice,
every recipe making my mouth water.

and then my husband browsed through it
with constant admonitions,
"that looks good,"
"when are you going to make that one for me,"
and then on to the children,
from oldest to {almost} youngest,
and i knew this book would be well used.

but i wasn't ready to write the review.
i had to cook my way through some of it first.
and we made baked parmesan crusted artichoke.
simple quinoa with peas and corn became one of moses'
favorite meals.
baked buttermilk donuts... oh. my. word.
the twins helped me make stone soup and
were enamored with the whole process,
particularly searching for stones.

and then there was this dinner...
whole roasted herb chicken with roast veggies and
dark chocolate dipping sauce...
oh yes.
each and every one of us was in love,
well all but the wee nursing babe,
moses had chocolate everywhere.

this book is filled with tips, recipes, photos, ideas and
just about everything you could want.
it is a piece of art...
especially for a crunchy mama like me
{look jodi, i'm finally claiming that crunchy title}.

and because i love it so much
i want you to have a copy and
anni has generously offered to give one away...
so leave a comment and you'll be entered,
like organic family cookbook on facebook and be entered again and
if you do anything else typical of these giveaway thingys
comment and tell me and you can be entered again.
and the giveaway will end friday the 27th.
did i cover everything?  okay.
the end. :)

****Giveaway is closed.... The winner, picked through, is.... Amy! 
Email me your address please {}, and Anni will send a copy off to you asap.


to wake

tonight i woke up.
tonight the sky turned pink.
tonight i danced with an angel.
tonight i cried unashamed tears.
tonight i learned from the little ones.
tonight my heart broke and was sewn
tonight i found peace in bare feet on a rocky hill
tonight fire warmed cold places unknown
tonight music was an ointment
tonight words brought understanding
tonight gratitude and praise pour forth from unclean lips
tonight the sky turned pink.
tonight i woke up.

to knit and read and chat

i made a pair of these leg warmers when pearl was just born,
but in a smaller size for her newborn legs and
so i am knitting them again, in a beautiful burnt orange,
perfect for the impending autumn which i am waiting for
on that note,
it has been fall like here,
with breath catching autumn temperatures and
i made chili for dinner last night for it just fit,
and i am so hoping this lasts and transfers,
so perfectly,
into fall...
though i am certain it will fade and the heat,
the sunshine will rain down once more.

reading jayber crow again,
this peaceful book i cannot get enough of and
read at least once a year,
also reading endangered minds and it is fascinating,
the research on the changing brain and media's role.
it is such a confirmation to me of our
decision to embrace a way of life which is filled with
creation and includes a minimal exposure to
screens. i love to hear my children play and talk,
see their creations and inventions and
be with them. 
in fact,
i'm going to go do that now,
be with them.

linking with ginny


to be a proud mama

i don't think i mentioned my two middles,
bookworm layla and sensitive artist josiah
started their own blog recently...

and my girl surprised me tonight with some poetry of her own...

would you go read it and give her some support?
she would be thrilled...
thanks my friends,
you are the best.


to write something

i can hardly hear the voice over the banging
and joyous screaming
of my children
someone is trying to speak to me
but so much noise
beautiful chaos
and there is no sound
that can break through

and someone once told me i should write poetry
but i laughed and said they were crazy,
that you had to be able to hear and see
beyond the obvious,
and i was incapable of that depth,
that i never even understood the poems
i read,
until i read them again
and again
then i went even further and told her
i hated rhymes

i'll stick to regular ole prose
i said,
and she smirked,
we'll see...

then when words starting flowing
like a river that burst through its dam,
and i couldn't stop them,
they just appeared written down,
and i couldn't make sentences for the life of me,
but i refused to call it poetry,

a sea of beautiful words,
and everything that i poured out
was decorated in a lack of grace
and i still couldn't hear very well,
and the children came,
one after another,
and i heard less and less...

until i heard His voice,
whispering so loudly i couldn't avoid it,
and He told me i could hear
if i chose,
i could see
if i looked
and He would give me words,
and i could tell my story
and i might think it sounded like
"clanging cymbals"
but someone would hear  poetry...

and i found her again,
or maybe she found me,
and i didn't know she read my words,
but she laughed and said,
"see, i told you you should write poetry."

to love {hardy har har}

book love:::
board books awaiting pearl,
books for mama to devour and
books waiting to be read come fall...


 blanket hiding love:::
this went on for an hour.
they were hiding from the monster.
eventually i learned the monster was me.

music love:::
oh yeah...

contemplating love:::
this time c.s. lewis has my back...

summer love:::
no, not summer lovin'.
this is not grease,
olivia newton john is not hiding in my yard...

 mama love:::

baby love::: 

birthday love:::
she got a bow and arrow
{and is already a perfect shot}
had a bonfire complete with smores and
camped outside with daddy and the siblings.
so far ten is a good year.

poor little pearl had a long day.
passed right out on the birthday girl.
my oldest and my youngest girls.
be still
my heart
be still.


to share her...

**because her birthday is on sunday,
sharing this again...**

Oh that girl of mine,
that curly haired bookworm daughter
whose emotions are more mysterious than
whose soul is deeper than the ocean's abyss.

And when she sits in silence, staring at what
only she knows,
I wouldn't dare interrupt her without necessity,
for her thoughts are great,
and I know that God is speaking to her,
that they are dining together on a feast of
ideas, of love,
communing there in her moments of silence.

And when she tiptoes as an Indian of old
under the immense California Oak trees,
binoculars hanging around her neck,
I leave her long to search out the Western Scrubs,
the shockingly orange Hooded Orioles,
though responsibility is washed away in her adventures.
For here she is basking in His goodness,
aglow in the beauty she finds in His creation,
worshiping Him by loving what He has made.

And when she cries, her tears flow colored,
when she reads, she's lost for hours,
when strangers speak to her, she shies away as if
all has stopped and now the world is focused only
on her,
a place where she finds herself desperately uncomfortable.

She is that deep, quiet soul that He has made her,
whispering wisdom,
growing in untold ways every passing day.

 **ahhh, i can't believe she's turning 10!**


to hate businesses and love weddings

so two sundays ago we visited this little church and
it was pretty awesome.
small, close, they like kids,
they seemed genuine and no one asked,
"how's it going brother?" and
no one told us to shake someone's hand and
we felt pretty good.

we wanted to go back again but
this sunday we were sick and so
we missed it but
we might just go again...

see we struggle with the modern church,
there is so much that we cannot overlook and
i know,
it's people,
there's no perfection but
we are not looking for perfection,
just the opposite...
for family,
for honesty,
for a clashing of ideas and grace,
for discussion and truth and beauty,
for meals shared and family togetherness,
for no one to look down on anyone else and
for judgements to be non existent,
for people to talk and read and think for themselves,
not for programs and
counseling and
budgets and
if i wanted to be a part of a business i would
and it wouldn't be the church.

when we were church planting in washington a couple years back
my husband met with a young man,
early 20's,
who was interested in planting with us and
my husband walked away disheartened for this man,
eager to be a part of a church plant,
kept talking to my husband about how
"the church is a business" and
"needs to be run like a business."
and i don't understand why,
why would we
sell Christ's bride to the highest bidder?
she is beautiful,
she is loved,
He already paid for her,
and yet we want to restrict her and
regulate her and
program her and
fix her
for our purposes,
instead of lovingly, gently
care for her and ready her and
hand her over to the Bridegroom with

i'm not saying i have the answers.
if i did we would not be visiting churches,
considering organic church,
doubled over in prayer for guidance and a
settling of the disturbed heart.
but i do know that so much change is needed,
that if we continue to view the church as a business and
just another piece of the american dream,
if we spend our thousands of dollars on redoing the parking lot
with delightful yet unused landscaping and
waste our time with every program imaginable,
if we appoint a committee to oversee the committee that
oversees the committee which oversees the pastor
who is in charge but
not really because
he is underneath the committee,
if we treat the bride like a business,
she will end up like a business...
abused, greedy, self seeking and diluted. 

but if we treat the bride as a bride,
and each member as our own family...
if we embrace each other and live life together,
if we give all we have and
open our arms
we are creating a place for Love to dwell and
dwell He will,
whether in an old church building or
on the couches of a living room.