Monday

to redeem a day

i am a large sized failure
most days.

i fall into soft of bed each night,
down of infant hair rubbing my face,
chubby baby body wrapped in
my arms and
i pray deep,
ask for help to succeed next day,
to be a mother filled with
love,
compassion and
gentleness.
i wake as light of morning streams
through window,
falling on enormous bed that has
gained numerous occupants throughout night,
little bodies strewn about;
foot of bed,
head of bed,
lying on top of daddy and
prayers begin again,
immediate,
Oh Lord, 
fill me this day with Your love,
patience, gentleness,
compassion and
baby and i creep into quiet of
house while the sleepers repose and
i read Words of Life,
preparing for day,
readying heart and mind.

usually around noon,
if not sooner,
i fail.

i respond too harshly or
get annoyed with children just
being
children or
find myself overwhelmed and
snapping at one or more of those
lovely faces.
and once i've failed i become
frustrated
with myself and
once i'm frustrated with myself
it's all down hill...

i have had to find a way to
move on,
move forward,
take the failed day and
redeem it,
turn it into beauty.
and so,
most days when darkness
closes in i
grab hold of any sliver of Light i can find.
i pray deep and
breathe deep and wait for
Peace to fall,
i place crackers, cut up fruit and cheese on platter and
throw it on quilt in
living room where i am desperately trying to
live again,
children cheer while they gather round and
as they snack i read to them
favorite stories and when i finish i
put on music and they dance and
laugh and jump around and
i watch them,
smile,
cannot help but be filled
with
joy,
feeling darkness fading,
Light shining brightly again.
and some days,
the joy breaks in so powerfully,
i get up
and
dance
too.
 

6 comments:

  1. The Lord knew I needed this today...I had already failed by 8:30 this morning, during our Bible reading time nonetheless...Praise God his mercies are new every morning, but I'm going to take them now at 9:54 and start over! Bless you friend...so love those chubby cheeks of Pearl, she is precious!

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  2. I could relate to the failing part of this more than the redeeming part. I think we're all fighting for it, and I do love your heart.

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  3. i could relate. to all of it.

    now i wonder... what will they remember for life- the snapping, annoyance and such, or the crackers and cheese and quilt on the floor?

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  4. Beautiful and honest. I'm so glad I read this today. I needed to read this. I needed the encouragement. Thank you lord for these words and for using them to fill me with hope!

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  5. Cute picture and great writing, full of pure honesty.

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  6. Okay. Now I know for sure, you are a wonderful mother. You are rocking that house girl.

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