Wednesday

to pass out, lose money and catch a train

i eat but
once i didn't
and
some days i would nibble on
bits of things just
to keep standing but
i fainted on the field in gym anyway and
i told him i was sick so
he let me sit out rest of class and
i was going to go to england with some kids and
a teacher,
for this trip they called "brit lit" and we
paid for it but then me and
mom had meeting with her and
mom told her i was anorexic and
couldn't go and
teacher said
ok but
we never got the money back.
it was this endless cycle of
life
paused.
and that's what i was trying to do,
pause life cause
life was beckoning and
was bullet train headed straight for me and
i was tied to track and
could not escape and
all i wanted was to stay
right
there
on track without train,
child without responsibility,
just be taken care of forever.

and i soon learned that Christ
filled and
Christ cared and
my two deepest needs of being
filled and
loved were met
in Him and
life's train met me at station,
bright and full of hope instead of
dark and menacing and
i hopped aboard and
sped off and
here i sit,
filled and cared for,
filling and caring for,
staring out the picture windows so i
don't
miss
a
thing.




10 comments:

  1. i am glad that in arriving, the train was full of hope for you...really nice capture of the emotions and feelings around the years that you were going through all that...dont miss a thing...smiles...

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  2. We are neighbors at Emily’s...this is written beautifully...I have known this journey too...I am so thankful how He heals and redeems all. blessings to you~

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  3. You've traveled a road of pain and now you have the joy of "riding" God's train of joy and redemption. I'm so glad, Amy. Thank you for sharing this poignant portrait of a little girl lost and then found. It moved me. :)

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  4. my heart is still so unearthly quiet
    from this beautiful read
    and so i whisper glad thanks
    for stirring my hope
    and sending such a kiss from heaven
    to my soul:)
    -Jennifer

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  5. Thank you for these brave, honest, beautiful words Amy :)
    I was anorexic as a teen and after Emmy was born for a couple of years.
    Your story is so full of joy and possibility.
    You are a gift.
    Glad to be your friend :)

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    Replies
    1. i don't think i knew this suzy... thank you so much for sharing. love you girl.

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  6. it was this endless cycle of
    life
    paused.

    this is the PERFECT description of what it's like to be an eating disorder. well done, friend. and how i love the redemption in you. xoxo

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  7. Love, love, love this. So glad you got on that train, Amy. So glad.

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  8. I love the hope filled train. I love you found your great physician in our father. :)

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  9. mmmm....yes, yes, yes, Christ is the safest place of all. What a kind Father He has been to you, friend.

    Your vacation pics are beautiful, so glad to think of you there surrounded and surrounding.

    t

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