to take a breath and watch it happen

these days,
the baby days,
the warm days,
the childish rolling in the grass days,
the lying with babes under stars days,
kissing hurts days,
gazing into blue infant eyes days,
walking hand in hand with baby on front and toddler on back days,




because now she is not even six months and doing this...





to say i'm moving to canada and find joy at a garage sale

i became a christian when
i was 17 {and yes, i'm pretty sure everyone who reads here knows that by now}
and i try
not to forget the way i felt
before and
what i thought of most christians and
i try
not to be like that.
and sometimes i wonder what
all those christians thought of me,
all the ones i went to school with from
barbie days to high school,
the ones who saw my
punk rock clothes and
heard me spew profanity at times,
watched me switch from boyfriend to boyfriend
and heard me tell a math class,
"if george bush is elected president,
i'm moving to canada." {yep, i said that,
rebellious little anarchist that i was}.
did their parents tell them not to hang around me
or were they allowed to be welcoming,
love me anyway?

there was this one girl.
we were in school together since elementary and
everyone knew she was a christian and
she was one of the nicest girls
no matter what i did or said or
how i looked she
would always smile at me and say
i hadn't seen her since graduation.
until this past saturday.
husband took me garage saling
and we pulled up at a house near mine.
there she was.
sitting in the driveway.
and when she saw me her face lit up and
she rose from chair and cried,
"amy!" and gave me this
hug reserved for the best and
she gushed over pearl and asked to hold her,
she met my husband and introduced her
four babes and
when i told her i had six more at home she
smiled and
asked names.
when i told her the names she looked confused
and yet delighted and
"those are biblical names!"
and i nodded,
she came in close and whispered,
"are you a christian now?"
i smiled,
told her yes,
and she
mouth wide open,
breaking into grin and
i don't think i've ever seen such genuine
joy, such amazement.
she was beautiful.

and it made me think of what all those kids thought of me
back then.
they may have thought me rebellious,
or a heathen or
a lost cause,
but i know what she saw,
even back in the doll days,
the punk rock days,
the defiant days...
a broken, wandering child
in need of a Father's love and
her heart soared when she learned


to pass out, lose money and catch a train

i eat but
once i didn't
some days i would nibble on
bits of things just
to keep standing but
i fainted on the field in gym anyway and
i told him i was sick so
he let me sit out rest of class and
i was going to go to england with some kids and
a teacher,
for this trip they called "brit lit" and we
paid for it but then me and
mom had meeting with her and
mom told her i was anorexic and
couldn't go and
teacher said
ok but
we never got the money back.
it was this endless cycle of
and that's what i was trying to do,
pause life cause
life was beckoning and
was bullet train headed straight for me and
i was tied to track and
could not escape and
all i wanted was to stay
on track without train,
child without responsibility,
just be taken care of forever.

and i soon learned that Christ
filled and
Christ cared and
my two deepest needs of being
filled and
loved were met
in Him and
life's train met me at station,
bright and full of hope instead of
dark and menacing and
i hopped aboard and
sped off and
here i sit,
filled and cared for,
filling and caring for,
staring out the picture windows so i


to stay in a house and eat and visit

four days have flown,
bird open winged in flight,
with family;
my daddy, his fiance, her son,
my brother, his family and
my 17 year old brother,
at a breathtaking beach house just
30 minutes from us.
we walked,
we laughed,
we ate,
we played,
we ate,
we watched,
we ate,
we sang,
we ate,
we loved,

and it was peaceful,
much needed
time with
each other.

the house {im standing on the beach taking this picture}...

view from the windows...

sailor at the entrance...

stained glass in kitchen ceiling...


pearl meeting 2 month old cousin keaton...

layla on an early morning beach walk
{and right after this picture my camera died,
i had forgotten my charger and
had to drive home to get it}...

pearl with her uncle christian,
{apparently she is doing her touchdown
victory dance}...

pismo at sunset...


josiah says to me,
"mama, ian said that is whale pee...
but i think he was joking.
is it whale pee?"

 newly 17 year old ian...

daddy's fiance and her soon to be granchild pearl
{so happy for my daddy! she is a beautiful,
amazing woman and i am so pleased to
welcome her to this family!}

josiah and cousin addison
{she adores him, and no,
he's not crying even though he looks it,
she was just hugging him for a really
long time and i think he was done}

hannah and daddy
and she never knew there was
a dolphin jumping on her head...

ian, pearl and my brother christian...

my beautiful, amazing
sister in law stephanie and
keaton {camera shy}...

good morning pearl

photos of layla and josiah from the house
{yes, i was spying}

my brother and daddy playing...
elvish checkers
toys and cereal and rocks
{yes, it is a game... google it}

hello handsome brother

hello handsome daddy
{don't they look so much alike}

hello angel face

hello sick moses
{yep, sick on his last day}

hello twins and cousin addison,
how's that hot tub?

hello handsome husband
playing me some music with
an ocean behind you...

if you're still with me,
thanks for indulging me.
we had an amazing time
now we are home with three
sick kiddos.
the end.



to like stuff

tonia posted some of her likes recently and as
it was just a marvelous idea,
i decided i had to share some of mine too...

1} loads of children
2} piles of books
3} wind blowing my hair
4} home birth
5} chickens
6} kid's giggles
7} homemade bread
8} coffee
9} tea in the evening
10} trees, lots and lots of trees
11} beautiful music with words of poetry
12} like minded friends
13} quiet
14} simplicity
15} things that are real
16} candlelight
17} sleeping babies
18} cloth diapers
19} pug dogs and bull dogs
20} knitting
21} long, flowing hippie skirts
22} blankets
23} gardens
24} children beginning to read
25} children asking questions
26} being at peace
27} starry nights
28} art on walls
29} discussions of ideas
30} writing
31} ocean lapping upon the shore
32} forests, blanketed in trees and scent of life
33} moments when everything falls into place and
                         peace settles, 
                    falling like a light snow,
                       covering all that it touches and
                   in those moments, knowing He
                         is so good and i have nothing 
                     to fear and
                              can just rest.

it's going to be quiet here for the weekend,
my daddy and my brothers and my daddy's fiance
are visiting and
we all get to stay together in some
amazing house on the beach.
i'm sure there will be plenty to share
on monday.

and if y'all want to share any of your likes,
i'd love to hear them!


to read stuff and knit stuff and be hot

the heat of summer has moved in
and so our mornings are spent outdoors
while cool from ocean lingers and when
sun beats down and this mama,
not accustomed to much heat,
cannot take it any longer,
we head indoors to games,
books and

so i'm knitting a simple baby blanket for
dear friends' first baby and
i am definitely no where near where i need to be
so i really
need to knit quicker.
i love the bronte sister books,
but i have never read
the tenant of wildfell hall by anne
and i always heard it's not one of the best,
but i have to tell you,
{and i'm whispering now,
for i might be black listed}
i am
with it.
i think it tops jane eyre and
wuthering heights.
and i love both of those.
and i can see why some might not like it.
i do.
it's beautiful.
it's raw.
it's poetic.
so you should read it.

and i just had to post this picture of
"soupy hero moses"
as he has dubbed himself.

that's it.

linking with yarn along...


to have a bookish weekend

well i said i wasn't going to be writing much,
and i won't be writing much
but i just couldn't help but post these weekending

books this mama spent time reading

this little girl cooked me food in her kitchen

books on my 9 year old bookworm daughter's shelf
{and her book light for night time reading}

books i bought at this weekend's library book sale
for $16

{enough said}

dress up/dance party time
{i feel like it's always dance party time}

we have just been relaxing lots,
playing lots,
reading lots and
loving lots.

my daddy is coming to visit at the end of the week and
i cannot
i'm going to go back to my kiddos
enjoy them.
have a beautiful week friends!

weekending with amanda