Thursday

to be a rebel

i wasn't supposed to become
a christian,
nope,
no one who knew me would ever have guessed
i would be
one of those Jesus lovers
i made so much fun of

i wasn't supposed to just be
a high school graduate,
with no "higher" education
i was all ready,
SATs taken
performing arts colleges applied for,
i was on my way,
but never got there

i was definitely not supposed to
get married at
19
to someone i had known
4 months
who already had a
6 year old son

i wasn't supposed to have given
birth to
5 children
by the time i was 27,
ask my dad
who said,
"amy,
i know you believe
in the whole Bible thing,
but when God said
'be fruitful and multiply'
i don't think He meant for you
to do it all
 yourself."

i wasn't supposed to view life
from eyes filled with grace,
seeing the pain and beauty
in a world
scarred
and desperate,
trying to impart a bit of
His love whenever,
wherever
i can

i wasn't supposed to see
a little girl
lonely,
neglected,
who shrieked with joy
when i took her outside
because
she was actually being allowed
to go
outside,
a girl with such sad eyes,
who cried when we left
and ran into her tomb
of a home,
begging her daddy to
let us stay,
and driving away in silence,
our family speechless,
no words,
until i look at my husband,
open my mouth,
and he looks at me,
tears in his eyes,
and says first,
"i know.
i want to ask him if we can
have her."
but, of course,
we can't.

i wasn't supposed to forgive
the woman who gives me
dirty looks for having
all these kids i wasn't supposed to have
or pray for
the man who tries to
get my husband fired
or thank God when
we don't have money
to pay rent or
buy food

i wasn't supposed to do
any of this,
but i did,
so i guess i was,
and maybe i'm not
that much of a rebel
after all.


sorry for the repost, mind is wandering lately...

2 comments:

  1. "i wasn't supposed to view life
    from eyes filled with grace,
    seeing the pain and beauty
    in a world
    scarred
    and desperate,
    trying to impart a bit of
    His love whenever,
    wherever
    i can"

    Oh yes, friend, yes you were. And you do it ever so well. You're my favorite rebel.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, truly, so beautiful!
    This part...

    "i wasn't supposed to forgive
    the woman who gives me
    dirty looks for having
    all these kids i wasn't supposed to have
    or pray for
    the man who tries to
    get my husband fired
    or thank God when
    we don't have money
    to pay rent or
    buy food"
    Brings tears to my eyes."

    You are a beautiful soul!

    ReplyDelete