Monday

to come out of hiding

I admit,
I am crawling out from behind my shade,
where I have been silent, waiting, peering.
And though yes,
we have been sick, and
have had some life surprises yet to be mentioned,
mostly I have been hiding because of
insecurities.
I am one of those people who is
alone in a crowd,
and always have been.
The one who stands in a room of people
and knows she is different,
she is odd.
And it has weighed on me all of my life,
causing me to question friendships,
to drink cups of self-made rejection for
if they only knew me,
they would reject me anyway.
Slowly it has seeped in here,
into this little private corner of the internet,
the thoughts that if they only knew me,
or
they're just being nice,
but I am the odd one and no real care
no real friendships can develop because
no one
truly like me.
But then Tonia wrote this post
and it spoke to me intimately.
And suddenly I realized,
we are all a little lonely and insecure,
feeling like the odd one,
we all get a little anxious, waiting for friendship
and wondering if it is real and
how long it can last.  We all make up that crowd,
and yet each one of us feels like the one
alone,
a bunch of alone sisters (and brothers) together and so
really,
we are not alone.
It's not just me.  How selfish of me to think so.
So I'm crawling out of my hiding place now,
blushing and shy,
but coming out nonetheless,
and arms are extended,
awaiting a friend to fall into them...
and as you might feel the odd one too,
I whisper to you,
you are not alone.
I will be your friend,
will you be mine?

485  tonia and her wise words
486 the gentle guiding of others
487 a crying daughter running into her daddy's waiting arms
488 plays created be children for mother's day
489 a family spoiling this mama
490 new life
491 sleeping baby breathe on my neck
492 encouragement
493 stellar's jay hopping around
494 small waterfalls
495 deer standing near us, staring, not running away
496 the excitement of a daughter
497 not changing one diaper for an entire day
498 healing words

8 comments:

  1. amy, i just know exactly what you are talking about. i think some of us live so deeply in our own minds and hearts and we feel so cut off from the group, it's truly hard for us to imagine others ever knowing us and wanting to be friends. but you've hit upon the way: to open that (fragile, I know) door and love others. in giving and pouring out, you receive more than you can imagine. Bless you, dear heart. And I hope you keep writing, because you have much to offer with your wise and deep ways.

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  2. Odd people are some of my most favorite kind of people. But maybe you knew that about me already. Sounds like you were well loved on during Mother's Day. To your family I say, "Well done!" I've missed you.

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  3. i've also missed you, but it's a lot my fault b/cs i've been in my own shell these last couple of months. i find myself w/drawing b/cs i've been so exhausted and nothing to say that i haven't said it, and then i stopped hearing what others had to say and it makes me wonder if any of us are still talking? but then i remember that all that is in my head alone, too....
    i also get what you say here, and so excited to "hear" you again, hear the tremble in your heart and the longing in your voice to connect and be known in this typeface environment.
    and i like odd people, too. :)

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  4. A Kindred Spirit I think you are...

    Have been poking around here...quietly...since I saw your comment on Tonia's post a few days back.

    The web is an odd place for friendships. Odd as in different, not impossible. But they do bloom and grow here. Just...differently.

    Praying the Lord will bless you with His very presence in your heart and life each day, and that He will also send "someone with skin on" to be as a Jonathan to David or and Elizabeth to Mary. Isn't that what we all want?!

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  5. I think sometimes the lonliest times is in the midst of a whole bunch of people, sometimes it's sitting right there in your own living room...the thing is? It's a lie from the enemy because when we have Jesus we are never alone...he promised us this. So, we must not believe a lie. I love hearing what you have to say (by the way)

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  6. I can totally relate. I frequently feel most alone in a large group. Especially when my thoughts are most dark and somber. Appreciate your transparency and openness.

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  7. Even if we don't hear from each other often, I hope you'll still count me as a friend. <3

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  8. YES this is me too! I would love to build a better friendship with you. You inspire me!

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