to wait

***an edited repost, as the rain falls here today, as the wind rattles old windows, as friends talk of earthquakes and preparations, I find myself thinking on that still, small voice... I looked up this old post, and it was a bit gut wrenching to read.  It speaks of a difficult season, and I wrote it when we were in the midst.  Now, we have come out on the other side, moved home to california, and I breathe strong air again.  Revisiting these words has given me such peace and reflection***

And, behold, the LORD passed by, 
and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, 
and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; 
but the LORD was not in the wind: 
and after the wind an earthquake; 
but the LORD was not in the earthquake:
 12And after the earthquake a fire; 
but the LORD was not in the fire: 
and after the fire a still small voice.

1 Kings 19:11-12
A hush had fallen over the house,
children tucked into beds, 
I sitting, praying, nursing the littlest...

sounds of nature creeping in through the window,
rain pounding, wind howling, 
husband preparing for the next day of long work,
peace settling in...

Climbing into bed beside me, 
kissing the cheek of the nursing babe,
the cheek of the mama, his words soft and perfect...

"keep on loving me, keep on trusting me."
And the unexpected voicing of those words unleashes emotions from my tired mama soul,
"I do, I do... but I don't understand this season in our lives... what do you see that I don't?"

His gentleness continues as he speaks words I need to hear,
"I don't see anything,  I just know we are where we are supposed to be at this time, 
doing what we need to be doing..."

"Yes, but...  it's so hard..." 
And it is so hard, not knowing the next steps, just trusting God is working everything out,
and thinking the rest must be just around the bend,
but getting around that bend and seeing another storm...

Momentary silence, then... 
thunder shakes the house, I shake along with it letting out a quick gasp, and I am not used to this thunder...
it comes often, but my beach-front california girl self will not become complacent to this frequent washington rumbling...

Return to silence and stillness, 
the sounds of baby swallowing his mama love milk,  
and husband's love rolls off his tongue with words that spread a soothing ointment over me...

"remember when elijah was waiting for God?  and you remember He was not in the earthquake or the fire,
He was in the still small voice..  and I know, we all remember He was in the still small voice, 
but what people tend to forget is...

before the still small voice,
there was an earthquake
and there was a fire."

words resonate and i think they would knock me down if i were standing, and yes,
there was an earthquake
and a fire,
and then came
the still

and here I am in the fire,
and it is so hot,
sweat pouring off of me,
but i know,
that the still small voice WILL COME...
and i will wait,
earth shaking,
fire burning,


  1. Enjoyed this poem, I think I recall reading it when you forst posted it. I am so glad you were able to go home and you are through that storm. We faced a time like that in our journey, that was my lowest point as a married woman, but God pulled us through, by His grace.

  2. Hadn't thought about earthquakes and fire as prelude to the still small voice. Great perspective. And beautiful, as always. Hugs.

  3. I read this post last night, when I really wasn't doing well. The last lines especially, but the whole piece really spoke to my heart. I am so tired and so discouraged, feeling abandoned by God. After reading this post, I went to bed encouraged, waiting for that still small voice. Nothing really has changed, just my perspective. Thank you!