Thursday

to have nothing to give

*i share another today, forgive?  i am broken, and words help...*


we yell pain filled cries
and our words are just an outpouring
of the hurt
we feel inside,
wounded souls grasping for grace,
being overcome by world's cares
and we,
man who loves bigger than the world and
woman who is desperate to breathe grace
cry aloud,
say hurtful things
which we don't mean but that doesn't
stop us
and six children play together in
their room,
ignoring the hurt they hear,
hearts filling with worry,
praying desperately inside

and then comes the calm,
the cries
the forgiveness,
and let us go out and play,
show the children life is okay,
it remains in God's care and
nothing has changed,
and we pray as we drive,
bathe us in peace God,
remove these stains, this filth,
these memories,
and children smile and laugh
but we know
it will take time,
days of peace, of love,
of joy,
of hugs and kisses,
to restore their sense of
security...
how hard to build,
how quick to destroy it,
and how do you rebuild beauty when
you feel defeated and
beauty is hiding?

we try to move on,
let us laugh
and pray
laugh and pray,
and then the pain comes,
the inside pain,
the mama can hardly breathe pain,
she who is desperate to breathe grace
cannot even breathe air,
and he forgets all cares and
rushes to the hospital,
children fearful,
security being beaten down once again,
(o Lord protect their hearts,
help them trust in Your faithfulness),
and she has felt this pain before,
knows that part inside is filled
with stone,
like the stone in her heart
that caused outward pain,
and doctors give medicine and she
is soothed
but weak in so many ways,
and they return home,
children waiting with breaking hearts,
hugging mama,
needing her touch,
and she sleeps...

o Lord,
fix my brokenness,
heal me,
my family,
i breathe air again,
help me breathe grace
here
to these lovely ones in need,
while i have nothing to give...


5 comments:

  1. wow... that was full of emotion and extreme words that pulled at my heart. It was beautiful and real.

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  2. i'm so glad not to be the only one to double-post this time. i am praying for you and for your precious family. *hugs*

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  3. Grace enters in to the places where we acknowledge our utter helplessness. Breathe it in, friend. You are living the gospel.

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  4. these lines, amy, resonate deeply with me:
    and how do you rebuild beauty when
    you feel defeated and
    beauty is hiding?

    and yes, you are living Grace to all your loves and living it inside yourself. share these words, they help to make it real (for me anyway!)

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  5. man who loves bigger than the world and
    woman who is desperate to breathe grace


    this is a holy, heartfelt cry dear friend. you are not alone. we all go through this. and we all need him. how beautiful a heart you have.

    ReplyDelete