to find a way to give thanks

i grapple with ungratefulness
like a leech attached to my body,
sucking my life-blood out of me,
and i beat myself up internally
because i can't believe i would find it difficult
to give thanks

and it's not that i can't find things to be grateful for
but more it's this overwhelming discontent
that creeps up on me
in life's shadows
and blocks the sun of blessing
so i forget all that is there

and yes this is wonderful,
and God did this for us,
and i am so grateful,
but i'm just not quite feeling it,
and i'm getting so frustrated with myself,
and i feel that all too familiar breath of
darkness on my neck,
and i determine i will not turn around to
let it pull me in,
i will find a way to give thanks today

and i hear it,
softly at first,
then louder,
until it is so loud that my cold heart
hears it
and stirs,
and it's three year old daughter,
pounding out unknown sounds on her piano,
and singing with her most beautiful of
off key three year old voices
her own song,
written in her warm heart,
"oh my God, He saves"
over and over,
she plays,
she sings,
and i tear up with joy and gratitude
and now i can do nothing
except give thanks,
and i do
and darkness flees...

pondering how to give thanks today with ann...


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