Tuesday

to step out of the darkness

darkness tries to hunt me down...

Daily, I feel the shadows lurking behind me, reaching out...

they grasp at my arms, my legs, my heart...

it wisps through my hair and breathes on my neck

As I rise before the sun, darkness is waiting for me, beckoning me to return to the land of dreams...

when children are bickering and my gentleness breaks, darkness hovers over desperate to lure me in...

folding piles of laundry, a just finished book comes into mind, a book which told me that my laundry-folding, diaper-changing life is stifling my soul, keeping my real life locked up, and I fight the urge to believe that which I know is not true, but darkness lurks around the corner whispering those book words, daring me to think them...

when hard worker, loving provider, gift to me from He who knows me best, is working so late and the children have to go to bed without their tender daddy kisses, darkness caresses me...

and my mind wanders back into long ago days when my children were only known to God and my husband was a mystery to me,

and I am curious to know if darkness was hunting me down even then...

I see the days of friendship bracelets and sleepovers, 

I cannot find myself in them...

and then I see the darkness, 

darkness in human form,

and I cannot find myself because this is myself, 

the darkness consuming me...

And I remember in the me-darkness days how I longed for love, for acceptance, for justification, 

the me-darkness sought with pain and turmoil things which are only attainable in the Light...

but I can't see the Light, I don't even know the Light is there...

the darkness is so consuming it has blinded me.  

Back to my days of love-giving, life-imparting, child-holding, 

back to my days of seeking the good of others...

knowing the darkness follows me, knowing the darkness wants to consume me again, knowing...

and, despite my failings, despite my misgivings, despite who I am, He will not let the darkness overtake me, for now I do know...

46 I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, 
so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark.
John 12:46 nlt


2 comments:

  1. this promise is an important one for me to read today. i'm feeling dark-seized, and it is good to remember his promises that he wins. yes.

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  2. yes. he wins. misty said it so well. and i know this darkness too, and how bright the light compared, no? love to you.

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