The four of us hustle downstairs, two little curly-haired angels tripping down the stairs in their nightgowns, and this tired mama carrying the extra large 5-month old. A typical morning finds me whispering thanks to God as I walk these stairs, but this morning my heart feels heavy... and I realize it has a lot lately.
Instead of giving thanks and praise, I realize I am complaining, that my heart is filled with bitterness, that it is flowing out of me, directed towards the One who loves me, the One who has blessed me so richly, and I want to stop, but this feeling...
My husband greets us with a smile, glad to see us before he leaves for his long day at work. Little princesses run and hug his legs while yelling, "Daddy, daddy, daddy!" Sweet baby grins his huge grin that is reserved for his daddy. I struggle to smile, try to look pleasant, but it still bursts out of me, "Ugh. Another day? How late are you going to be today? How many jobs today?"
His glowing eyes and soft smile disappear, and he looks sad. "I'm sorry. I know you hate this job, it's not my favorite either. But it is what God has provided for us right now, and I am going to do my best, and glorify Him. I am trying to have a good attitude... please don't make it harder on me."
I feel horrible... I know I need to change my attitude... I know I need to encourage him...
But the bitterness is creeping out of me...
why can't we just...?
why won't God just...?
why do we have to...?
He smiles again. Looks sweetly at me, "Life is beautiful. Things are good. Look at all we have to thank God for."
And I breathe deep.
He is right. I've been counting my gifts lately, but I've been counting my bitterness too...
Now that I have realized it, I can fight it... and only count my gifts...
62. a husband who speaks such wisdom
63. waking up to beautiful babies
64. every new day
65. a good job for my husband, one that provides
66. a family to cook for, to clean for,
67. a God who gives the answer to bitterness
68. beautiful messy faces
69. piles of books to read to prepare for next homeschool term
70. children who love everything in God's creation, and a table full of their collections to prove it
71. this amazing girl who hoola hoops while she reads, just for fun
72. brief moments of quiet
73. long times of loud and chaos
74. loads of laundry to wash and fold for the loads of people who light up my life
75. hearing people tell me i have my hands full... i am so glad.