The whys

Why mama?

Why can't I?

Why won't you let me just this once?


A day spent with an abundance of the question, why? Little children not understanding mama's reasons.

I like to tell my children yes, I will tell them yes even when it requires much of me, but sometimes I just can't say yes. It just wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be good for them. I ask them to trust me.

Why mama?

Trust me baby.

They smile, nod, and hug me.

Night falls.

I find myself lying in bed beside my dear husband. This night my emotions get the best of me. Tears fall because my husband's job has an unpredictable schedule which daily leaves me wondering when he will be home. They fall because we are so close to paying off our mini-van and yet so very far away. They fall because two years living here and I still feel like a stranger, and sometimes want to go home, and know I can't. They fall because our dreams have been put on hold.


Oh Lord why won't You just give us a break in something?
Work something out for us right now, please...

Why don't You?

And I find myself crying my whys out loud. And I find my husband's hands on my back, gently turning me towards him.

"Because He knows better. He is working things out for us, but in the right way. Not in your way. He knows best. Trust Him."

TRUST HIM. I hear my answer to my children... trust me. Trust Him.

I cry harder now, knowing he is right. I need to trust my Father. He knows best.
Just as I ask my children to trust me...

But how hard it is for me,
trusting when I don't understand,
when my way makes sense.

How hard it must be for my young ones,
trusting though they don't understand.


And they smile, nod and hug me.


Thank you Jesus, I will trust You.