my heart is so happy

Hello again my friends.
The new things:
*we bought a house
*it’s amazing
*my heart tore open last month with the news of the unexpected passing of a dear friend, my mama mentor. that’s been hard and caused a bit of soul searching and kinda set me on a fresh path.
*i’m beginning a project with some friends that i’m so excited for it. it’s part of why i’m writing here again, i wanted to update you. i’ll keep this blog updated so you know.
*layla is nearly 16 you guys. she was only 7 when i started this blog. i can’t believe how old she is and that i began the to love journey so long ago. anyway, in march the two of us were flown out to Portland so i could do a q&a and she could play one of her original songs at the wild & free conference. it was pretty rad, especially seeing my girl up on stage playing music in front of a thousand people. scroll back in time here and see that little bookworm, bird watching angel. time is crazy.
*remember when we were in Washington back when i started this blog? and then we moved home to California? rented that beautiful little house with the hill out back and the old oak out front? then ditched it all and moved to Idaho after four years? hated Idaho and moved back to California to a house that kinda hurt my heart but it was what we had? and now, we’ve finally been able to buy our forever home. with oak trees and deer and an amazing deck and a hill and a creek and my heart. is so. happy.


One wall almost finished.
#weboughtahouse #stayathomemyheartandrest


To live my life

It’s so busy everywhere,
Where’s the quiet?
I long for days past, quiet times,
Work with your hands and sit
Outside and
Listen to nature or
Nothing times.
The problem with longing for the good old days is
If those good old days people lived today,
They’d be no different than us. They’d
Have smart phones and Instagram,
They’d play Minecraft and Roblox. They’d watch
Way too much tv and listen
To terrible music. We are
All products of our generation,
Our culture, and marketing
Schemes. They would
Be too. We can’t get away from it. We can only
Love the life we have been given in
The time that we were given and walk
Slowly, eyes open,
Ignoring what we should ignore, embracing
What we should embrace. We
Can’t live for times past. We
Can’t idealize people. We
Can only live


to look and see

Sometimes I dream and
sometimes I laugh. I can’t remember
the last time I stood and saw.
“Look and See,” I watch
the movie made of my
friend Wendell and I wonder
does he know of his

When I was a kid I
hated being outdoors, there
never seemed to be anything
and why are kids always obsessed with having
something to do?
I remember when I first found peace in
creation, being outside.
when I stepped out, looked up,
breathed deep,
peace overwhelming,
oh this,
this is what they mean,
and suddenly it was everything and all I
wanted was that peace, that
overwhelming blessed knowing of
being outdoors.

do we all reach a point where
we are deprogrammed,
our allegiance is no longer to the rich,
the material, the consumer?
do we all reach a point where
we see it for what it is,
and we walk off,
never looking back?
God I hope so.
for the sake of the babies, the trees, the birds,
the flowers, the bees, the ocean.
for the sake of
our world, the sake
of our souls.
God I hope so.

to not care

Would you mind if I wrote again,
if i tapped out these words and tried to say the things
i haven't said in so long?
there's probably no one here any longer,
things have changed and this online world of words has run dry,
exchanged for status updates and over edited photos that reek of
fantasy and idolatry and are mostly void of honesty and life.
but i might try.
because words are all i have and it's pure and it's open and
i don't need the likes or the followers, i
just need to scribble down the heart and leave it,
walk away and let it flow and
God woke me when He shook me when He told me
I am letting it all go.
my heart rests and i will not lose it,
i will wrap it up, taped in plain ol paper and
i will let it be unveiled gently or violently or
however one finds themselves unwrapping words.
there is truth and i cannot hide behind that wall anymore,
with it's unbreakable brick keeping the masses captive.
as i write i feel free and
i may never stop.
we drift and i say hello and you
look to the heavens trying to ignore me and
i think that it's okay. ignore me or love me or
smile slightly in that friendly but not too way,
hate me, enjoy me, laugh at me, cry, delight, despise,
it matters not. because
i found freedom and
once again,
i like me.


Is it worth it?

When your rights mean someone else is suffering, are they
worth it?
When your freedom means bondage for others, is it worth it?
Where do you draw the line?


To walk deep

There's a peace I know that
Often hides when my soul is crowded with life and
It creeps around without sound,
Waiting for me to seek it again.
How often we let ourselves be distracted by
Everything and
Forget to find that peace.

I wander in and out of halls and dressing rooms,
In search of something and I cannot quite
Remember what it is, but
I know I cannot live without it and
Somewhere a voice whispers and I almost,
Almost hear it but
Hello, life again,
Hiding it, crowding it.

Can they co-exist or is it a forever
Battle? Is there a way to walk through life,
Led by peace? She dreams deep and
He dreams deep and they walk, deep.


But what?

i find it hard to live and not be overwhelmed by injustice.
it hurts, you guys.
watching black men be gunned down by law enforcement.
watching peaceful native Americans trampled by law enforcement while
just trying to protect their land and all of our water.
children in extreme poverty.
men who work ridiculously hard only to not make ends meet.
i don't know how to find peace anymore.
i don't know how to offer peace.
im so distraught.
i want to do something.
but what can I do?